Lessons in negotiating from a seven-year-old

        Wednesday Joey, Katie, Jackson, the Fifes, and I took a break from the beach house to go to Legoland in Carlsbad. After Joey and Katie left with Jackson a little earlier in the day, we thought it would be fun for the kids if we split up; Audra and Bella went with Rich to the Aquarium, and Evan stayed with Carly and me to do some more grown-up rides. While Evan was still a bit childish about his choice of rides, I watched him negotiate with his mom like an adult. Here are some pointers based on my observations:

• Never agree to a deal unless your end is equal to or greater than the opposing end 
• If you really want someone to do something for you, make them think it's their idea, and that they are getting the better end of the deal
• Never give up
• A whiny voice is less effective than a calm one of reason

        After refusing to ride two different rollercoasters (riding Space Mountain at a tender age seems to have indefinitely scared him away from all rollercoasters), Evan agreed to wait in line for a Lego horse ride made for children ages 3-12. Whining and negotiating ensued from the very beginning (imagine a voice similar to that of Napoleon Dynamite, but with twice as much feeling):

Evan: "Mo-om, can we go home now?"

Carly: "It's only 3:00. Don't you want to stay?"

Evan: "This is boring. I'm tired. Can I play my 10 minutes on your phone now instead of later? We're just standing in line."

Carly: "No, my battery is dying and I need to conserve it."

Evan: "Ugh. It's just 10 minutes, and if you let me play it now then you can use it later."

Carly: [no answer]

Evan: "That's actually a really good idea for you. Then you won't have to worry about me using it later, and you can just use it. It's actually the best option for you, really. I really suggest you do that."

Carly: "Fine, you can play five minutes now, and the other five later."

Evan: "Yes!!"

 . . .

After his five minutes were over, the debate about going home continued:

Evan: "When are we going home? Can we go home soon? I'm tired."

Carly: "Aren't you having fun? Look, we're almost to the front of the line."

Evan: "But isn't the main reason we came [to the beach house] to see family? We're not even with family right now. I miss Granny and Grandpa."

Carly: "Abby's here. And Joey and Katie were here with Jackson earlier. We're spending the whole week with Granny and Grandpa."

Evan: "I just want to be with Granny and Grandpa right now. Can't we go back to the beach house and see them?"

Carly: "What would you do right now, if we were at the beach house?"

Evan: "Play Uno. The number one thing I want to do right now is just play Uno."

        And when we decided to stay at Legoland instead of go home, Evan sat on the ground and refused to be comforted.

        Fortunately, a wise mother was very patient through the "hot and tired" phase of the day. Once Rich and the girls came back, Evan was again a happy camper. By the end of the day he was saying Legoland was even better than Disneyland, and that what he meant was that Uno was actually the number two thing he wanted to do--after Legoland :)     

Call me a MAYBE

Isn't my two-year-old niece adorable?

Missed the bus

        Here is an entry from my Dutch friend, Stephanie. Unless they've had birthdays since I left a couple months ago, Gabriël is one and Eva-Sophie is two. I love how her kids are so patient and help her realize things aren't really so bad after all. That must be part of what Christ means when He commands us to becomes as little children (Matthew 18:1-5; 3 Nephi 9:22).

        I left in the first part just to validate my first post :). Thanks for writing it in English, so I don't have to translate! 

        I read some of your blog and it made me laugh. Sure, when I trip.. I just walk on :) So I decided to tell you one of my "funny" stories that ...almost made me cry. It was a wonderful sunny day in Holland (we don't have much of those lately) so I took my kids to the swimming pool. Gabriël got tired so I decided to go home and catch the bus at a certain time. I rushed the kids so they would be on time for the bus. We arrived 4 minutes early and I got my kids something to drink. When I turned around.. our bus just drove by.. Really I could cry! But Eva-Sophie said: "Ohhh.. Mamma, is niet erg. Er komt nog een bus!" (Ohhh...Mommy, it's ok. Another bus will come!) So I thought.. instead of crying about it.. it would be better to laugh about it ;). I still had to wait another 30 minutes for the next bus.. but I just enjoyed my kids while they picked some flowers.

What does it mean to have friends?

        Ok, I admit I spent some time blogging earlier even though I was with my family. It's only so I will be more focused on my time with them during the rest of the week while we're together at the beach! Later I was on my computer again because I realized I had to make some changes in my fall class schedule. Again, not something I do all the time--just something that came up today. As I was sorting things out on my computer, Mom was reading my blog, and Joey was playing ping pong against another computer. Mom pointed out that I spent a lot of time on the computer today instead of socializing with the fam. Anyone else see the irony here?? If I hadn't spent time writing on my blog, then she never could have been reading it while sitting in the same room as me! Joey scoffed at us and said, "Really! I'm the only one interacting here!" 

        It reminded me of one of my favorite commercials. I am an unwilling product of my generation, and a brilliant multi-tasker. Right now I am blogging, watching the most anticipated season finale of The Bachelorette ever, and bonding with family all at the same time.  

A blanket of clouds that is just like . . . oh crap, I don't know

        Do you ever start saying something that you don't know how to finish? I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately. Sometimes you can just sort of trail off and no one notices, but sometimes all eyes are on you and you have to think of something to say! Friday night we were out watching Pioneer Day fireworks and I noticed that the sky was covered in dark, gray clouds, except for an isolated layer of blue to my right, at the bottom of the sky. It looked just like a blanket! So that's what I said. "The sky looks just like a blanket of clouds! Except over there, where it's like, umm . . . [uh oh...why did I say that? How the heck am I going to finish this clever analogy?] . . . the blanket ends." Yes, if they don't offer me the Pulitzer Prize for my brilliant string of words, then life just isn't fair!  

Open mouth, insert foot

        Some friends and I went on a group date my last night in Logan, which I decided to live up since, well, it was my last night. We ate dinner at a friendly, casual restaurant called Mo' Bettahs. In my effort to "live up" my last night, I dropped all inhibitions, including the one that filters my words before they come out of my mouth. In order to take the wrapper off my straw so I could drink my water, I pushed it all down to the bottom of the straw before I slipped it off. Once the wrapper was on the table, I used my straw to transport water from my glass to the wrapper, fully enjoying how the wrapper moved and grew as I watered it (it sure doesn't take much to make me happy). I was so delighted that I said out loud, "Good thing we're not in a very nice restuarant, so I can do this!" Logan caught my eye and said, "Whoa! Remind me never to bring Abby here on a date! Ya know, we talked about taking you girls to a nicer place but we figured you are such cool girls that it would be ok." And then, trying to make it mo' bettah, I said, "Uh...I mean, umm...this is a GREAT, casual restaurant! Look how fun it is, with those great straw curtain things. I mean blinds. I mean, I'm really glad we came here! Uh...this water is really good?" I was harrassed the rest of the night; I'm sure the guys will never let that one go.   

Get this ring off my finger!

        Today Jami and I discovered that an important difference between Smith's Marketplace and just plain Smith's is that Smith's Marketplace carries accessories! We were in girl heaven, especially when Jami fell in love with a torquoise ring that looked very similar to the one that Emily wore on this week's episode of The Bachelorette. For as long as I have lived with Jami, she has been searching for the perfect torquoise jewelry, and this ring was perfect in every way . . . except that it didn't fit her right ring finger nearly as well as it did her left: "Abby! Abby! I can't get this ring off my finger! It's stuck!"

        Her struggle, I'll admit, was quite humorous.Once I stopped laughing, I pulled out some hand lotion I was carrying in my purse. After strategically applying the lotion on her finger, and some twising and pulling, we managed to get that baby off, but boy was it a fighter!

Rejoin the human race

        In the book, Weakness is not Sin, Wendy Ulrich notes that one way to combat shame is to "rejoin the human race". Specifically, she writes, "sharing our experience with someone who loves and supports us help us feel less isolated and alone with our shame." It's true! I fully support that thought. Here is a story to illustrate the point. . . .

        So last night we go country dancing. Jami, Austin, Jason, Cale, and me. Austin came because he loves Jami and knows she enjoys country dancing, I came just for the fun of it and to gain more practice being social (2 years away from the whole college scene throws you off a bit), and we dragged Jason and Cale along because, well, the more the merrier, right? The point is, none of us are very dance savvy. Jami and I had it the easiest because as girls we just follow whatever our partner does. The guys had the opportunity to refine their humility as they took the lead in applying dance steps they just learned. After each song we recongregated at a certain meeting point near the back wall, where we could be assured that no matter how badly we had messed up the last dance, we still had friends.

        Like during the very last song, for example, when everyone else was waiting to leave and I got asked to dance. Basically what that means is that they had a very good view of my "moves". Like when the guy spun me and I tripped over my own feet, or another time when I don't know what the heck he was doing but I ended up on my bum on the ground. What can you do except get right back up and laugh it off? And, of course, show that you can be cute and charming even if you can't dance? Afterward I returned to my friends and asked if they'd seen me fall. They had . . . at least I was no longer alone! 

Blog Inspiration

        I never noticed particulars about American culture until I spent nearly two years among a variety of other cultures. For example, when an American trips, she immediately looks around to see who noticed. If anyone did, they share a moment laughing about it. When a Dutch person trips, on the other hand, she keeps on walking like nothing happened.* You'd ask yourself twice if anything DID happen. And you just might miss out on your chance to laugh about it. 

        The point is, funny things happen every day. Hilarious things, even. I learned on my mission to spot them, and some days that's what kept me sane. Now that I'm home, I want to write about it. Yes, I want to share the humorous situations I encountered on my mission, and I want to share the humorous things that still happen to me every day. And I want to invite you to do the same. I've heard that when crazy things happen to us, we can choose either to laugh or to cry. So why don't we laugh about it? 

        Please, e-mail me your funny stories and I just may post them! 

        *I do not hold this against the Dutch. In fact, it's one of the many reasons I love them so much.