Strangers Meet Again

        Last night after baby-sitting I walked home in the dark. Katie, being the concerned sister-in-law that she is, armed me with her pink bottle of pepper spray before I left the apartment. I clutched it tightly, my thumb ready to pull the trigger at anyone suspicious, when I saw a guy about my age ride up to the stoplight next to me on his bike. You know that awkward feeling when someone looks familiar and you're not sure why so you stretch the comfortable time limit on staring to see how long you can get away with before you figure it out? That's actually what I was just starting to do when he looked at me for a second and then said, "We met at the grocery store."

        My friends and family laugh because I am always making random friends in random places, but I love it. It always makes a great story to tell later! I did actually meet this kid in the grocery store last week--I remembered the second he said it. Rachel and I had gone to Smith's last Saturday at 11:00 p.m., which is suprisingly a popular time for BYU students to buy their groceries, especially the weekend before school starts and no one wants to break the Sabbath by shopping on Sunday. I was transitioning between the fruits and vegetables to the condiments aisle when I stopped briefly to talk to a guy I'd known before my mission--exchanged some pleasantries and continued on toward the peanut butter. Matt (though I didn't know that was his name at the time) had overheard me say that I just returned from a mission in May and said from behind me, "Hey, welcome home!" That struck up a conversation between me and him and his roommate. I had an instant connection with his roommate because we were both searching for just the right peanut butter among at least 10 options and we bonded over that. So we talked for a little bit and then went our separate ways (I didn't get to finish my grocery shopping that night, if you were wondering). I didn't think I'd even be able to recognize either of them if I'd seen them on campus after that.

        I replayed that encounter in my mind once I realized I was talking to the same guy. He pulled his bike over to talk to me for a few minutes and then asked if I wanted him to walk me home. Yes, please! That would be great. By then I only had two blocks left, but I wanted to make sure they were a very safe two blocks!

        Matt was quite the gentleman. Walked me all the way to my door, great conversation, and then told me he would ask me out for ice cream except he was leaving for BYU-Idaho the next day (today). Too bad! What do you do with that? I thanked him and walked inside--not even knowing his last name so I could look him up on Facebook (sorry Dad, I forgot to ask), but I am so grateful he was kind enough to keep me company those last two blocks!              

Women in the Law

        My new favorite quote, given by president of the J. Reuben Clark Law School's Women in the Law club:

        “We know how tough it is. We also, specifically, know how tough it is to be in law school while raising children, while being pregnant, while being single and intelligent and beautiful and intimidating.”

        Bahaha! I love her honesty :)

Why you should want to eat seaweed

        I ate seaweed today.

        No, not ice cream, not sushi. Just straight-up crisp, lightly salted seaweed (I know, why does it need to be salted, right? Doesn't it come from the ocean?). As I smelled it, nibbled at it, and attempted to savor the interesting taste, I couldn't get this picture out of my mind:

        Despite the crisp saltiness of the seaweed, it still felt slimy and slightly fishy going down my throat.

        I know, you're probably wondering why in the world I was eating seaweed in the first place, right? It's because my curiosity got the better of me. I was sitting in the office this morning, chatting for a few minutes with my boss, when I asked her what the dark green cracker-looking thing in her hand was, and  why she was eating it. Humored by my look of disgust, she persuaded me to try a bit: "It's especially good for vegetarians!"

        Apparently it has a lot of other health benefits, as well. Like it contains a lot of pantothenic acid and lignans. Yeah, I have no idea what that is either. But the nutrients found in seaweed supposedly offer protection against cancer, cardiovascular disease, and birth defects; contribute to healthy thyroid function; and reduce stress levels.

        I heard you can find it at Costco. Come on, just try it! You know you're curious too! 

The Intentional Long Pause

        One thing I learned from my mission trainer is that people are much happier to help you when they think it's their idea. One useful way of guiding them to the decision to help you is the "intentional long pause." What that means is that you basically state your problem and then pause . . . until they offer their assistance!

        For example, one morning on a campout, we really wanted to make pancakes for breakfast. We had hiked the griddle up the mountain and everything (ok, well we hadn't, but one of our strong, manly friends had), but had no butter. Without the butter, our pancakes all failed. We knew, however, that a group of boy scouts was camping nearby and, by definition of their title, would be prepared with butter. My friend went to find them and said something to the effect of, "We really wanted to make pancakes this morning, but the problem is, we don't have any butter. . . ."

        And then, within seconds came the response, "We have butter! You can borrow some of ours!"

        "Really?! That would be great! You guys are the best! Always prepared like true boy scouts!"

        Ok, well I actually don't know what her response was because I wasn't there, but I can imagine it was something a lot like that. Anyway, I may be giving away some big secret here, but really, you should try it! It's brilliant!

        Because my friend has had so much success in this area, I have really tried to employ it in my own life. Today, for example, when I realized I had written down the wrong classroom number for my Creative Nonfiction Writing class when I found myself outside the mechanics closet. Being resourceful, I first attempted to use my phone in order to access my class schedule online and thereby my classroom number. When my phone refused to cooperate, my thoughts went to my next resource: a public access computer that usually exists in multiple places within each building. So I asked the two guys (both on their laptops) with me in the lobby if they knew where such a computer was in the building. When they didn't, one of them offered to look up the closest one for me on his personal computer. 

        That's silly, I thought. In the time it takes him to look up where a computer is, I could have already looked up my classroom number. Unsure how to ask this friendly stranger if I could just use his computer to look something up, I simply said, "Actually, I just need to look up my classroom number really quick. . . ."

        Long pause, hoping he would put two and two together and just offer me his computer.

        Longer pause.

        Please don't make me say it. That defeats the whole subtlety of the long pause!

        And just when I had taken a deep breath, about to straight up ask him if I could use his computer, he turned it around and offered it to me.

        Whew.

        It was a little awkward.       

Monsoon

        At first I was unsure about moving to the Arizona desert during the hottest time of the year, but once I remembered that August is monsoon season, I began to really look forward to this new adventure.

        When I experienced a lot more 110-degree + days than storm days, I was pretty disappointed. But then I was SO BLESSED to experience this crazy storm just my second to last day in Gilbert. And I mean crazy. This video definitely doesn't do it justice, but at least it gives you an idea of our experience. The funny thing is that the storm seemed to only be at this hotel. When we drove back to Carly and Rich's house (about 10 minutes away) afterward, there were no signs of a raging monsoon there! I never heard anything about it from anyone else!

       

Deer Hunting

        One morning last week when I woke up and walked out of my room, I was approached by Audra and Bella crawling up the stairs, eager to show me what they had built with Legos. What they had built were some very simplified "guns." "Let's play, Abby!" Audra said, followed by Bella, "You be the bad guy!" I tried to picture in my head how this would go, and then asked, "What does the bad guy do?" Bella thought about it for a minute. "Ummmm . . . he kills deer!" I laughed out loud. Of all the responses she could have given, I was grateful that was it! Soon all desire to play Good Guy/Bad Guy was gone, and Audra, in her innocent little girl voice and bright eyes, exclaimed, "Yeah, let's go deer hunting!" And so we did :)  

Wanted: A good-looking man with an August birthday

        The trend in my family is for the brothers to marry women whose birthdays are in October, and for the sisters to marry men whose birthdays are in August. Seriously, it's worked out perfectly for five children and now it's my turn to make or break it. Ideally, the man I marry will have a birthday on the 13th or 16th of August because my brothers-in-law were born on the 14th and the 15th and that would just be a neat little line. That's a lot of pressure!

        I've considered asking all potential suitors about their birthday before agreeing to a date. Criteria like that would really cut down on the fish in my sea, don't you think? It would save me a lot of time, that's for sure!!

        But really . . . I do usually ask by the second or third date because my family always want to know!

Negative thinking has its place

        Ok, so this post is a little more serious than what you're used to. It's just something I've been thinking about that has to do with some of my deeper thoughts and feelings that motivate this blog. It is in part a reaction to this New York Times article. Feel free to scroll down to below the picture if you're reading ONLY to laugh :)


       I am all about thinking positively, but that doesn’t mean I’m into positive thinking. At least, not in the self-help book, trick-your-mind-and-suppress-your-real-feelings kind of way. When I want to focus on the positive, the last thing I want to do is ignore reality. Rather, I confront reality, negative and all, head-on. Accept it, deal with it, learn from it, and move on, gleaning as much good and positive as possible along the way. Some of the negative can be simply skimmed over or pushed aside because it's not worth our energy, but other negative thoughts need to be dealt with and worked through before we let them go; otherwise they slow us down and prevent us from reaching our potential. If not properly dealt with, those negative thoughts and situations transform our attempts at progress into future failures.  

        One of the most helpful skills I was taught as I struggled with negative thoughts was to think about what I am thinking about. If I don’t, my thoughts will control me instead of vice versa. I mean, we are constantly thinking, and it takes practice and effort to be aware enough to control every thought. But learning to do it changed my life.

        I learned to do it by using a chart with three columns—one for my thought (any thought, negative or positive), one to note whether or not that thought caused me distress, and another one to write a new, more positive version of that thought. (One important thing to remember is to be completely honest and non-judgmental). Here is an example from my sister:

Thought	Cause distress?	If yes, how can I change the thought to be more positive?
This medication is never going to work.	Yes	I might as well try the medication. After talking with a few doctors, this is what they feel is best. Based on the information I have, this is the best choice I can make. I’ll just give it a shot and either it will work and I’ll start feeling better, or else it won’t work and we’ll figure something else out. I’ll think more about that when it comes to that point; no use worrying about it now.

        Filling in a chart like this one was hard for me to do. Something I realized is that adjusting a particular thought to make it positive is much more difficult—but also more productive—than simply turning the thought around. For example, the end thought in the above chart is much more reasonable than the possible alternative, “I really need to stop being so negative. This medication is going to work great!” If you do that, then all you faith, hope, and happiness rest on only one possible outcome. As soon as that outcome doesn’t become reality, then all good feelings dissipate. One of the major keys to happiness is flexibility. It is in our flexibility that we develop and refine the incredibly useful skill of problem-solving. We also learn to be satisfied even when things turn out differently than we’d hoped.           

        Being flexible means being open to a variety of scenarios and solutions so that, once we have all the details, we can choose the best possible plan of action. Preparing for all scenarios, including worst-case, can leave us feeling vulnerable and powerless, but ultimately gives us more control than anything. When we really visualize the worst thing that could happen, we often realize that it’s not as bad as we think it is. We also gain more appreciation for what we have now (refer to news article, sixth paragraph).   

        In the spirit of this blog, I’ll close with a humorous example (true story with some slight changes in detail) where being flexible helped me to problem-solve. Last Monday evening I went with a guy named Sam to an awesome smoothie place (if you know me, you know I love smoothies!!). Since I had never been there before, I took some time before ordering, trying a few different free samples and becoming BFFs with the cashier girl in the process. Finally, I ordered. Sam and I got a table and stayed there talking and enjoying our smoothies until about 9:30 p.m. By then the owner had come around and we chatted with him for just a few minutes before leaving. Apparently, since Sam works in the same shopping center as the smoothie place, he goes there often during the day and knows the owners a little bit. All in all, it was a great experience!

        Later that same night, I was texting with a boy named Michael when he invited me to go with him to breakfast the next morning. Awesome. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day! He told me he knew about this great place that makes a certain kind of smoothies, and after some quick thinking, I realized he must be talking about the same place I’d just been to with this other guy (since there is only one of them)! For some reason, I decided to play it off as if I’d never tried it—without actually saying I’d never tried it. I guess I wanted him to feel like he was sharing something new with me? So I said yes J.

        Anyway, it wasn’t until the next morning when I was getting ready for my date that I visualized all the things that could go wrong in this situation. The same people could be working and recognize me from the night before. They could accidentally say something about me being with a different guy, or at least give away the fact that I’m not completely new to this type of smoothie. And, worst-case scenario, Sam could come in on a break from work at the same time we were there. Talk about awkward!

        When I realized all of this, it made me very uncomfortable to think about it! So at first I told myself, “There’s no way all of that will happen! Don’t even worry about it!” but then I still felt unprepared, so I tried telling myself, “Well, I’ll wear my hair differently today and I will be very decisive about which smoothie I want, so chances are that even if it is the same girl working, she won’t recognize me. The owner won’t recognize me for sure, because he only saw me for a minute anyway.” Now that made me feel a little bit better, but the point was, I still wasn’t prepared for the worst, and there was a definite possibility it could happen! So instead of just ignoring it, I forced myself to imagine the worst, and thought about what I could do to minimize any potential damage/awkwardness. I decided that after Michael picked me up I would honestly tell him I had just been to the smoothie place the night before for the first time. Then if anyone at the shop said something, he would at least know why. And if Sam just happened to come in at the same time . . . well, I would play it by ear and handle it the best I could. I mean, that would be pretty funny, right? If nothing else, it would give me a great story for my blog!

        It was definitely not pleasant for me to think about the worst-case scenario in this situation, but it put me at ease knowing I was prepared for it! I recognized what I had control over and prepared a plan of action, and I decided to not worry about the things I couldn’t control because there was nothing I could do about it anyway! Sometimes life is best when we just love whatever comes our way.

        Since you’re probably wondering what happened here . . . Michael came to pick me up that morning and he started telling me about these smoothies. In a tactful way, I said, “It’s funny you asked me to do this today, because I actually just tried one for the first time last night!” and it was no big deal. As it turned out, we didn’t end up going to the same place after all! Instead, we drove to his house and there he blended the homemade version. It was delicious! And even more so because in this situation, I ended up with the best-case scenario! I felt so relieved and grateful. Sometimes all we can do in a situation like that is laugh about it!           

Too sick to talk

        I'm sick!!

        Like my throat itches and I'm coughing all the time. I didn't figure it out until yesterday; my body really loves crisp, fresh air, and I'm not getting much of that here in Arizona! I'm inside most of the day since it's so dang hot outside, breathing recirculated, air-conditioned air. If I do step outside, it's not much better!

        Since there's not much I can do about that right now (except make the firm decision to never live in Arizona when I'm older), I'm just kinda stuck with random cough attacks. Like earlier today when I was leaving a message during work. I felt a cough coming on and I tried so hard to suppress it. In the end, I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave the second half of the message, unless you count my uncontrollable coughing until I gave in and just hung up the phone. Once I had recovered, I called her back to leave a legit message. Later she called me back and everything worked out just fine!

Looks can be deceiving

        Last night I was with a group of friends at a church activity when I met a girl. No idea how old she was, but old enough to be graduated from college and be interviewing for a fancy job with a bank. During the course of our conversation, we talked about a lot of the normal things: names, jobs, friends, hometowns, favorite activities . . . you know. She was surprised when I told her I'd been on a mission. "You don't look old enough to have served a mission!" she told me (in the LDS church, women don't serve missions until after they are 21). When I asked her how old I looked, she said, "Like 19, max!" I'm sure that when I was 19 I wouldn't have liked hearing that I looked like a 14-year-old, but I was super flattered to hear that I now look five years younger! Funny how that happens, isn't it?

        Below is a picture of me when I was 19, and below that is another more recent picture. So I guess you can decide for yourself!  

  

Dress accordingly

I received this text last night before my date:

I need to warn u. I am in the process of restoring an old car and I have not yet fixed the AC. I recommend dressing accordingly ;)

Anybody want to venture what this means? I haven't known him very long, but I'm almost certain it wasn't his intention to imply, "Wear as little clothing possible!" Even if it was, I was never planning on wearing an extra sweater out in 100-plus degree weather, anyway :)

Toddler photo shoot

We caught Audra and Bella doing this earlier this afternoon:

Fancy Nancy

Today we had "Bella/Abby time." First, we read Fancy Nancy . . .

. . . and then we got fancy ourselves!

       

I even let Bella do my makeup! She didn't get the whole "eye makeup thing". . . she put everything on my cheeks :) 

I'm keeping this in mind for a Halloween costume. How fun would that be??

Can I have yo number? Can I have it?

        Yesterday was my first time in my new Gilbert singles ward. I LOVE making new friends! Love it love it love it. One of my new friends is named Dan. I met him at a dinner held in the church after the service when I sat down at his same table. It was one of those awesome situations where I was trying to eat and simultaneously carry on a conversation with someone who was already finished eating and so didn't have to worry about food in his mouth. Anyway, the conversation was flowing pretty easily and I started to think, "Yeah, I could definitely be friends with this guy!" Somehow the conversation turned to the Gilbert Historical Museum and I asked him if he'd ever been there. His response: "Do you want me to take you there? I can take you." Bahaha! It made me laugh, because I immediately thought, Um, did I say something that implied I wanted you to take me there? Because I was really just making conversation. But I said yes because I gave him props for being bold (and I really would like to check out the museum! I'm kind of a nerd that way). Part of me left thinking, You might as well have come out and asked, "Can I have yo number? Can I have it??"*

*I included a link to the video so you can see what I'm referring to. There are a few swear words, though!  

Mean girl syndrome

       I decided today that mean girl syndrome is simply inherent in most girls. Audra (four) and Bella (two) have very different personalities, but normally play very nicely together. You can tell they really love each other. Today they were sitting by each other eating lunch when something happened . . . I can't even remember what. Maybe one of them touched the other's food or something. Anyway, whimpering instantly begins, and when Audra tries to talk to Bella, Bella says (in her little girl voice), "I'm mad at you!" and Audra says, "Well, I'm mad at you!" Both of them turn away from each other with the meanest faces they can muster, Bella pulls her food farther away from Audra and says, "I'm going to eat like this!"

        "Well, fine!"

        After just a few seconds of silence, they start to giggle together again and Carly says, "It's silly to be mad at each other, isn't it?"

       

        "Yeah," says Audra, giggling even more.

        When suddenly Bella snaps again, "I'm mad at you!"

        To which Audra replies, "I'm mad at you more!"

        "No, I'm mad at YOU!"

        "Well, I'm mad at you the most!"

         I'm certain they didn't learn this from Carly and I don't know where else they may have picked it up. I think they must be born with it!



Baby giveaway

        I dreamed last night that they were giving away babies at BYU. At least I think it was BYU; the setting in dreams is always a strange combination of different places I've been. The long-anticipated baby giveaway happened during a lunch break one day, when names were drawn to see who would win. I was dying to get a baby, but I was crushed when my name wasn't drawn. I don't remember everyone in the dream, but I do remember that my cousins, Liz and Sarah, each won a baby, as well as my old friend from the McKay TEC Lab, Joseph, and his wife. As barbaric as it may sound, it was supposed to be a way for couples struggling to have children to get a free adoption, and of course it made perfect sense in my dream. I remember begging and begging Liz to let me have partial custody of the baby she and her husband had won, or to let me somehow be a third legal guardian. In the end, she reminded me that there was a good reason I hadn't won -- because babies do best in a home with a loving father and mother, and not just one or the other. Well, I firmly believe that, so then I let the issue go. That's when I woke up!

        Can you say, "baby hungry"? I had no idea my subconscious wanted a baby so badly! 

        * * *

        Have a funny dream story to share? (or an interpretation of my crazy dream?) E-mail it to me at abbycrich@gmail.com!

Own it

        I like to longboard. I like to boogieboard. I like to ride my bike. I like to fly kites.

        What do all these things have in common?

        They all require me to control another object. The last thing I want is for the object to control me. 

        In the words of my awesome skateboarder friend when he was helping me learn to better control my longboard, "You just gotta own it." Meaning, you just gotta learn control, show it who's boss, be one with the board. It's about unity, synchrony, balance, grace. I actually can't think of a better way to say it. You just gotta own it.

        A few days later Rich was teaching me to fly a stunt kite and I wasn't catching on right away. In other words, my kite kept nosediving it into the ground. Rich had his own way of saying it (systematically breaking it down into four individual levels, of course), but in a sense he also told me, "You just gotta own it." Dividing it into levels gave me the focus I needed to gain control of the basics before moving on to more complicated moves. So I guess my new phrase isn't just for longboarding! It's also for flying kites :).

        So why am I writing about this on the blog I created to publish things I choose to laugh about? Because I think it applies to life, too. I think we can all work a little harder to "own" who we are and to be comfortable in our own skin -- even when we make mistakes or do dumb things (please see any of my posts below :)) -- and to gracefully handle those situations that are difficult for us. We can own up to what we did by not blaming others or making excuses or getting discouraged, but by taking control and finding ways to make good out of any situation. That is a divine attribute. Have you ever noticed how God can transform all of our challenges into tremendous opportunities, if we let Him? I really believe that Heavenly Father has a wonderful ability to transform negative into positive. He can and wants to make beautiful things out of our hardships. He promises to make our wilderness as Eden, and our desert like His garden (2 Nephi 8:3). I have been working hard to develop this attribute within myself, and it really does make all the difference.